dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
