I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
