Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
