Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
