Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
