What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
