so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is Oprah even human
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
