hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize