I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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