Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
