lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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