Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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