i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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