I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
