I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
