I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
