i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
