i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
