She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
