Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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