I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
