I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
