yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
third nipple confirmed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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