I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
