Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
