Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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