i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize