i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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