Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
