It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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