I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
