She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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