I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
