After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
