I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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