it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
