There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
