Soap is not a condiment
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
