Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
