'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
