highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
