So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
