my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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