Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
