Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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