so that wasnt chicken after all
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
