yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
