can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
