yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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