Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
