my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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