Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
