I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
