Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
