I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
