She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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