went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize