Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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