you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize