yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
