Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
