One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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