Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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