Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
