did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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