When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
