i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
