I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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