i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
