I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
