mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
