dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
