She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
