a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
